How to Recognize and Respond to Negging

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What is negging?
Emotional manipulation, or “negging,” can be so subtle at first that you don’t see it for what it is. After all, everyone says something they wish they hadn’t on occasion.

But negging isn’t a mistake or a slip of the tongue. It keeps happening. And slow escalation can desensitize you to its effects.

You might think that because it’s not physical, it’s not abuse. And doesn’t that person do nice things, too? You may wonder if you’re being overly sensitive or believe you have no recourse.

Make no mistake about it. That’s part of the manipulation.

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More about it: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/negging

Did you know about Negging?

What Wiki knows:

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Negging (derived from the verb neg, meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval.[1] The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists.[1]

Negging is often viewed as a straightforward insult rather than as a pick-up line,[2] in spite of the fact that proponents of the technique traditionally stress it is not an insult. Erik von Markovik, who is usually credited with popularising the term negs, explains the difference thus: "A neg is not an insult but a negative social value judgment that is telegraphed. It's the same as if you pulled out a tissue and blew your nose. There's nothing insulting about blowing your nose. You haven't explicitly rejected her. But at the same time, she will feel that you aren't even trying to impress her. This makes her curious as to why and makes you a challenge."[3]

Neil Strauss, in his book Rules of the Game, also stresses that the primary point of the technique is not to put women down but for a man to disqualify himself as a potential suitor. On this account he refers to negs as "disqualifiers", although the technique described in the book is recognisably the same as von Markovik's. Strauss is equally clear that negs should not be used as insults: "a disqualifier should never be hostile, critical, judgmental, or condescending. There's a line between flirting and hurting. And disqualification is never intended to be mean and insulting."

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging